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2005-05-12 / 12:30 p.m.
Bart Not 1. I will not yell �Fire� in a crowded classroom 2. I will not waste chalk 3. I will not skateboard in the halls 4. I will not burp in class 5. I will not instagate revolution 6. I did not see Elvis 7. I will not draw naked ladies in class 8. I will not call the teacher �Hot Cakes� 9. They are laughing at me, not with me 10. Garlic gum is not funny 11. I will not Xerox my butt 12. It�s potato, not potatoe 13. Tar is not a plaything 14. I will not encourage others to fly 15. I will not fake my way through life 16. I will not trade pants with others 17. I will not drive the principal�s car 18. I will not do that thing with my tongue 19. I am not a 32 year old woman 20. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart 21. I will not sell school property 22. I will not cut corners �""""� �""""� 23. I will not get very far with this attitude 24. I will not make flatuent noises in class 25. I will not sell school property 26. I will not belch the National Anthem 27. I will not sell land in Florida 28. I will not grease the monkey bars 29. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment 30. I will not do anything bad ever again 31. I will not show off 32. I will not sleep through my education 33. Nobody likes sunburn slappers 34. I am not a dentist 35. Spitwads are not free speech 36. High explosives and school don�t mix 37. I will not bribe Principal Skinner 38. I will not squeak chalk 39. I will finish what I sta 40. �Bart Bucks� are not legal tender 41. Underwear should be worn on the inside 42. The Christmas Pageant does not stink 43. I will not torment the emotionally frail 44. I will not carve gods 45. I will not aim for the head 46. I will not spank others 47. I will not barf unless I�m sick 48. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty 49. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher�s lounge 50. I am not Dr. Death 51. I will not conduct my own fire drills 52. Funny noises are not funny 53. I will not spin the turtle 54. I will not snap bras 55. I will not fake seizers 56. This punishment is not boring and pointless 57. I will not defame New Orleans 58. I will not prescribe medication 59. I will not bury the new kid 60. I will not teach others to fly 61. I will not bring sheep to class 62. A burp is not an answer 63. Teacher is not a leper 64. Coffee is not for kids 65. I will not eat things for money 66. I will not yell �She�s Dead� at roll call 67. The principal�s toupee is not a Frisbee 68. I will not call the principal �spud head� 69. Goldfish don�t bounce 70. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups 71. I will not sell miracle cures 72. I will return the seeing-eye dog 73. I will not charge admission to the bathroom 74. I do not have diplomatic immunity 75. I will not win an Emmy 76. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy 77. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy 78. I will not say �Springfield� just to get applause 79. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers 80. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle 81. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man 82. I am not deliciously saucy 83. Organ transplants are best left to professionals 84. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan 85. No one is interested in my underpants 86. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones 87. There are plenty of business like show business 88. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun 89. I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball 90. Beans are neither fruit nor musical 91. I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. 92. I will not send lard through the mail 93. I will not dissect things unless instructed 94. I will not whittle hall passes out of soap 95. Ralph won�t �morph� if you squeeze him hard enough 96. Adding �just kidding� doesn�t make it okay to insult the Principal 97. �Bagman� is not a legitimate career choice 98. Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does 99. Next time it could be me on the scaffolding 100. I will not hang donuts on my person 101. I will remember to take my medication 102. I will not strut around like I own the place 103. This is not a clue. . .or is it? 104. �Bewitched� does not promote Satanism 105. The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far 106. I do not have the power of attorney over first graders 107. I will not complain about the solution when I hear it 108. I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface 109. The First Amendment does not cover burping 110. Nerve gas is not a toy 111. I will not use abbrev. 112. No one wants to hear from my armpits 113. I am not a lean mean spitting machine 114. The boys room is not a water park 115. Indian burns are not our cultural heritage 116. I will stop talking about the twelve ich pianist 117. Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things 118. I am not certified to remove asbestos 119. I will only do this once a year 120. The truth is not out there 121. I will not hide the teacher�s prozac 122. I am not my long-lost twin 123. I am not licensed to do anything 124. A fire drill does not demand a fire
(reason for living) wedgies
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last 5 entries
disclaimers - 2005-12-08 mirror - 2005-11-03 philosophically speaking - 2005-07-07 you know when - 2005-06-20 not - 2005-05-12
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