"I used to be really quiet, but then I got into music, and now I hate everybody" M. Jogues

"There's a heaven and there's a star for you" Sparklehorse / Daniel Johnston

"I've got to go now - I've got a full bladder and an empty head" Redfern on phone

"The world is not my own, I'm just passing through" Tom Waits

"I'm sorry, but I'm glad she's dead" Mark Thomas on Diana, three days after

"[Chart music at the time] was like being gang-banged by a pack of marshmallows" Nick Cave

"Sometimes I kindle up a slight combustion of fire" Moll�sk

"I was dressed for success / but success it never comes / and I'm the only one who laughs / at your jokes when they are so bad / and your jokes are always bad / but they're not as bad as this" Pavement

"The internet's like a vicious dog, but it brings you the paper" Jogues again

"Enjoy the comfort of four walls and a roof...oh, never mind. You will not appreciate the comfort of these things...until you're wasted" John Peel

"Matthew Jones? He doesn't ride bikes either! He's too tall!" Fiona

"I've always wanted a piece of molybdenum. Have I told you? I just like the word." Peel

"England and Wales is like a big sponge that's full of water" BBC Radio News, 11:30, Tuesday, 19th January, 1999

"In this business, you've either got to play the blues, or sing...with a high...voice!!" Zappa

"You, I thought I knew you / You, I cannot judge" REM

What will survive us is love" Philip Larkin

"Anyone that says drinking is not the answer has never been asked the question" Dave M

"You could say 'Ha, you're a racist, Kappa's an anagram of Paki!'" Jogues

"This record sounds like it's got someone detonating cars in the background" John Peel, on Davey Allen and the Arrows' (featuring Dick Dale) 'Surf Trek'

"A quarterpounder with meal, please...er...oh, no" Dave cocks up

"Lying book of crap!" Redfern, angry

"Imagine if everyone thought like that!" � "Then I'd certainly be a damn fool to think any other way" Yossarian

"Prawn Campbell...Ready Le Saux" Marianne's suggestions for Walker's flavours

"He blew his mind out in a car / He didn't notice that the lights had changed" A Day In The Life

"I told her the moon was a magical thing / It shone gold in the winter and silver in the spring" Nick Cave

"I have never looked at an egg and thought it was a fucking brain" Bill Hicks c/o Faris

"Excuse me, would you like to come to KFC for a beating?" Faris c/o Ned

"Perhaps my best years are gone, but I wouldn't want them back, not with the fire in me now" John Steinbeck

"Killing me won't bring your apples back" Sergeant Howie c/o HMHB

"I turned on the tap, there was cold, there was hot / I put on my coat, to go down to the shop / I stepped outside and didn't get shot / Well it's a pretty good day so far" Loudon Wainwright

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it" Oscar Wilde

"Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there" Rumi

"I write, give grape" Ape

"Why don't you just pop off?" Harold Pinter

"Would you please, please, please, please, please just fucking fuck off?" Fever Pitch

"It is always better to be quotable than to be honest" Tom Stoppard

"I drink until I'm drunk, I smoke until I'm high / But I'll keep living recklessly until the day I stop" Jogues' poetry of the absurd

"The wine she drinks is made of grapes" / "awake the snorting citizens with the bell" Othello

"Don't forget the drums and the torch" The most ridiculous pager message ever

"This is not an exit" American Psycho

"Zounds! Horns again!" Doctor Faustus

"I don't know just where I'm going / But I'm gonna try for the kingdom if I can" Velvet Underground

"I've got a funny feeling they got plastic in the afterlife" Beck

"I wish I had a tree made of pot that was five hundred feet tall. I would eat it!" AP

"I can hear food" Richard Laing

"I am the god of hell fire!" � "I beg your pardon?" Ned vs. biology lecturer

"God takes care of old folks and fools / While the devil takes care of making all the rules" Public Enemy

"I've seen your flag on the Marble Arch / But love is not a victory march / It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah" Leonard Cohen

"One day the world will be ready for you and wonder how they didn't see" Eels

"I said 'Kiss me, you're beautiful...these are truly the last days'" Godspeed You Black Emperor!

"In the early hours of the morning, the world changes" The Trip

"I have the feeling that lots of people have wanted to punch me in the face for a long time" Harold Pinter

"A voice coach taught me to sing, he couldn't teach me to love" Pavement

"Was he on drugs?" � "Just coffee. Nine cups from the sound of it. Intense little guy" Generation X

"A politician is a arse that everyone has sat on except a man" ee cummings

"I want a onion" tomasz

"Has anything good happened? Well, I suppose if I thought hard enough I could think of about four things - compared with an ocean of disasters" Archarnians

"Mr Speaker, I said the honourable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honourable member may place the punctuation where he pleases" Richard Sheridan

"I'm so bored with it all" last words of Winston Churchill

"I think I could eat one of Bellamy's veal pies" last words of William Pitt

"Sometimes days go speeding past / Sometimes this one feels like the last" Sp'rkl'h'rse

"I said to Laura, 'I hope I know you forever / And when I'm going, I'm going the Viking way / Lay me in a boat with my favourite things / And set me on fire and send me on my way' " Arab Strap

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid, for you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:7

"In 1984 I was hospitalized for approaching perfection" Silver Jews

"The simplest surrealistic act consists of dashing down the street, pistol in hand and firing blindly, as fast as you can pull the trigger, into the crowd" Manifesto of Surrealism

"Got married in a rush / To save a kid from being deported, now she's in love" B&S

"Mrs MacNeil, the problem with your daughter is not her bed...it's her brain" The Exorcist

"I may be screwed up but I'm beautiful" Steve McQueen

You know what I like to do? Get fucked up." John Belushi

"May nothing but happiness come through your door" / "Yes! I am a long way from home" Mogwai titles

"Classics? Fuck off!" DM

"safe level matting" Keats

"illiteration...antithosis...pleinism..." Harry "twat" Swift

"We will wade in the shine of the ever / We will wade in the tides of the summer" Pixies

"Sometimes have my breakfast right off of a mirror / And sometimes I'll have it right out of a bottle" Spiritualized

"If the world is so wrong / You can take it all with one song / If the world is so wrong / Yeah, you can break them all with one song" Courtney Love

"I'm on warm milk and laxatives / Cherry-flavoured antacid" Nirvana

"Music is bigger than words and wider than pictures" Mogwai

"Hmm, I wonder what beard...magic...is?" Dave

"I think that everyone looks better when they're sad / It's OK to be sad" Lauren Laverne

"Teenage dreams, so hard to beat" The Undertones

"A cheery wave from stranded youngsters" Mogwai

"He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt" C-22

"I am not Jesus" Pulp

"And there's a chance that things could get weird / Yeah, that's a possibility" Archers of Loaf

"Let's build fallen cathedrals and make impractical plans" Godspeed

"This time I'm gonna kill you Frankie, you filthy, no-good, egg-suckin', finger-lickin', snot-pickin', scuzzy-faced rat" Sample from stupid gangster movie

"Morning will come when I'm not ready" Lionrock

"Why should I not admit it? My heart was breaking" The Remains of the Day

"I am buried up to my neck in contradictionary flies / I take pride as the king of illiterature / I'm very ape and very nice" Nirvana

"Our generation sees the world not the same as before / We might as well just blow it all / And live like there's no tomorrow" Offspring

"A true revolutionary is motivated by many great feelings of love" Ernesto Guevara

"Before the night is out, I shall have been efficiently assassinated by a single shot from the street. I'm rather looking forward to it" Sherlock Holmes

"Last night, I said to her I didn't want to live inside a lie / If she wants him more than she wants me, let this be / She'll come back to me" Cake

"Every paper that you read says tomorrow's your lucky day / Well here's your lucky day" Blur

"I don't wish to cast asparagus at my opponent" Unnamed Canadian politician during debate

"I'm just profoundly frustrated by all this" Stipe

"Could the ambassador for Burma please leave the supermarket as his moral turpitude is disturbing the shoplifters" Mark Thomas

"What is it this time, Holmes? Morphine or cocaine?" � "Cocaine. A seven percent solution" Holmes + Watson

"[Catch-22] gives the impression of having been shouted onto paper" New York Times

"naked and cold and grinning" Cave

"A piece of rhythmical grumbling" TS Eliot on The Wasteland

"Listen pal, you can't just waltz in here, use my toaster and start spouting universal truths without qualification" Surviving Desire

"I find it hard to believe you don't know the beauty you are" Velvets

"There are two ways to gain power...control of the media and control of the military. And I want both. Now." Flashback e-zine

"Beautiful air condition, sittin' in the kitchen, wishin' I was livin' like a hitman" Beck

"Sensurrounded by pies and books / Middle-aged divers and teenage cooks" SFA

"The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you have burned so very brightly" Bladerunner

"I am 32 flavors and then some" ani d

"Guess who to me the house is?" Dave, Rob, Tom as Homer

"Wow, those are real knee-you-in-the-bollocks boots" Gary on Holly's footwear

"Withdrawal in disgust is not the same as apathy" Richard Linklater

"I wore it like a badge of teenage film stars / hash bars / cherry mash / tin-foil tiaras / dreaming of Maria Callas / Whoever she is" REM

"People who get 'high on life' are too easily satisfied" Redfern, once again angry

"He's had a tragic life and now he's teaching me to drive" Rob on driving instructor

"[Today was] one of those days where you just wish birth would sublime naturally to the afterlife" Paddy

"We'll crucify the insincere tonight" The Fantastic Pumpkins

"Men of good fortune often cause empires to fall / while men of poor beginnings often can't do anything at all / the rich son waits for his father to die / the poor just drink and cry / and me, I just don't care at all" Lou Reed

"As soon as you find yourself agreeing with the majority it's time to stop and reconsider" Mark Twain

"Amoebic Dissonance - the world's least tastefully-named e-zine" AD tag-line

"Let him that is without sin cast the first stone" Jesus

"Vomit, Mr Hargreaves" Wheeler

"Wastin' pigs is still radical" / "In a priest-driven ambulance" Flaming Lips titles

"Lloyd-Webber's music may be everywhere, but so is AIDS" Malcolm Williamson

"Claret is the liquor for boys, port for men, but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy" Samuel Johnson

"Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it; if you are sick, you shouldn't take it" Henry Ford

"Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we should have people standing in the corner of our rooms" Alan Coren

"The sun is out and up and down again / I know I'll make it, love can last forever / and you can make it last, forever you" Pumpkins

"Marge, where's the...dealy...you use to...dig...food?" Homer on tin opener

"If you get simple beauty and naught else, you get about the best thing God invents" Browning

"Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist needs his head examined" Samuel Goldwyn

"I wake up and look upon my painted eyelids / the world is your oyster and the trashbags are your kids" Beck

"You have the right not to be killed / Murder is a crime / Unless it was done by a policeman or an aristocrat" The Clash

"Continuous drunks and blunders" Mercury Rev title

"There's no animal called a sausage. If there was, I wouldn't eat it" Fast Show

"I don't think that kindness is a weakness / I don't have a problem with compassion" Reef

"The best I could hope for him would be an early death, or leprosy" Spike Milligan on Chris Evans

"Tender is my heart / It's screwing up my life" Blur c/o Dave

"I would not play the piece again. I felt each repetition slowly wearing my mind away. My mind became full of evil thoughts, and animals and things started peering out of the score at me." Australian pianist Peter Evans, after 595 successive renditions of Erik Satie's "Vexations"

"Now every cheap hood strikes a bargain with the world / Ends up making payments on a sofa or a girl" The Clash

"All our yoghurts are live, except the long-life yoghurts" The genius of Sainsbury's magazine

"Ceci n'est pas un quotation" Ren� Magritte

"What else should I say? / Everyone is gay" Nirvana

"God, I'll be glad when this day ends." � "But you say that every day." � "Oh yeah." Daria

"The world loves a peaceful man, but it gives way to a strenuous kicker" Emily Murphy

"Home / Everybody wants to go home / Even when they're old / Even when they're small" Low

"Everything you�ve learned is just learned and not necessarily true" Bill Hicks

"What do we know for sure about the Spartans?" � "They didn't have a lot of furniture" [long pause] � "A good, if not a valid, point" Dave vs. Fenz

"Just because a man earns minimum wage doesn't mean he can't have maximum courage" LAPD '97

"When dealing with a suspect with a weapon, we have to assume he may use it" ibid.

"Hipparchus' assassination was portrayed as having a political motive, when in fact it was caused by a disagreement with a gay lover" � "So, more like an ass, ass-ination." More Classics tomfoolery

"Yes I know my enemies / They're the teachers who taught me to fight me / Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission / Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite / All of which are American dreams" Rage Against The Machine

"Advice for the class of 2000: if they give you ruled paper, write the other way" Bret Easton Ellis

"Take risks. You have your whole life to join the Establishment" Nicholas Negroponte

"Time is our only currency. Even Bill Gates, as fucking rich as he is, cannot buy a second" Graham Nash

"Prediction for the future: Everybody will be on the computer and the Internet, but black people will probably be the ones who will be digging digital ditches and picking electronic cotton" Chuck D

"The girls I wanted when I was sixteen, I have them now / I advise you all to become rich and famous" Leonard Cohen

"Afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted" H.L.Mencken(?)

"Time Capsule: I would include the King James Bible, Nietzsche's "Anti-Christ" and the dictionary. So when the time capsule is opened up, they would read the dictionary and learn our language; they would read the Bible and be inspired to commit terrible acts of violence; and then they would read the Nietzsche book, and it would enrage them that they had spent so much time reading the other books" M. Manson

"Most kids today have found safety - and more than that, they've found personality - just by going to Urban Outfitters or wherever and dressing like one another" Johnny Depp, of all people

"Advice for the class of 2000: Get a tattoo. Hop a train. Get married, have kids, wear a hat. Get good with a bullwhip" Tom Waits

"I've always thought that if Reagan was a rapper, he'd be in Puff Daddy's crew" Zack de la Rocha

"Cynicism is not a good thing, but it's better than being stupid" Bill Maher

"This verdict is written on a cocktail napkin! And it still says 'guilty'! And 'guilty' is spelt wrong!!" More Simpsons

"There is something peculiar about illicit drugs: if they don't always make the drug user behave irrationally, they certainly cause many non-users to behave that way" Lester Grinspoon, MD

"There were too many of us; we had access to...too much money, too much equipment and... little by little we went insane" UNKLE

"If you're frightened of dying, and then you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away; but if you've made your peace, then the devils will be angels, freeing you from the earth. It's all a matter of how you look at it, that's all." Jacob's Ladder

"Dum de dum. This would be a suicide note if apathy had not already set in" Paddy D

"Do not use in conjunction with explosives" Warning on packaging of steam-iron

"If you ever meet someone you truly dislike, try walking a mile in their shoes. You will be a mile away from them, and you will have their shoes." Anon!!!

"Boy, you have cum" Will Oldham title

"Looking back when I was a young man, girl, with hindsight I regret / I never listened to my better judgement, so my blind side got the best of me" Quannum

"Fuck off, woman, can't you see I'm drinking?" Once Were Warriors

"When two sides of an argument are put forward with equal intensity, the solution does not necessarily lie between the two. One may just be wrong" Richard Dawkins

"I went to the pub on Friday, yeah, had a whale of a time. Shame it was a beached and dying whale" Matt J

"We know each other in the cyclical sense; we make each other sick" John Hegley

"Fed spam to my dog / Pissed in shoes. Ate my wallet / Bitter little fuck" spam haiku

"Using only spam / Grandma made us tasty treats / We set her on fire" ibid.

"Split the spam atom / Enormous pink mushroom cloud / World covered in pork" ibid.

"And when the swan coupled with the goose / They conceived a holy beauty and they let her loose" Hefner

"What am I still to you? / Some thief who stole from you? / Or some fool drama queen whose chances were few? / Love brings us to who we need / a place where we can save / a heart that beats as both siphon and reservoir" Jeff Buckley

"In what was destined to be a short-lived spectacle, a chicken, suspended by a balloon, floated through the Samurai bar's doorway" Gary Larson

"You have talked so often of going to the dogs - and well, here are the dogs, and you have reached them, and you can stand it. That takes off a lot of the anxiety" George Orwell

"You've got some "Star-Spangled" nails in your coffin, kid. / That's what they've done for you, son" Richard Brautigan

"I want to kill my brother, the cymbal-head" yes, another Flaming Lips title

"Moonlight radiates a purple glow in his world" Salako

"He has left us alone, but shafts of light sometimes grace the corners of our rooms" A Silver Mt. Zion

"Purple is a fruit" Homer J. Simpson

"I don't care if I'm forgotten immediately. I'm not here to be remembered. I'm here to be alive" Ian Dury RIP

"I've not drunk for months and it's gone straight to my head" � "I've been drunk for months and I need to get my head straight" Wayriderz crew

"Is there anything less reggae than a traffic cone?" � [significant pause] � "Nuns??" The combined comic geenioous of Jogues and Paddy D

"The police aren't here to create disorder. The police are here to preserve disorder" Chicago mayor during press conference

"No-one, I mean no-one, can depress me more than I can" The Delgados

"I woke up in a strange bed. Most beds are strange to me. The television showed a wobbly camcorder view of a naked man offering a cigarette to a shaking bear, and then falling over" Blue Jam I

"Did he say why he committed suicide?" � "No, he was dead" Stressed interviewer versus over-enthusiastic child

"Love and music can save us, and did" Chili Peppers

"Just go out and get it straight / there are questions here that just can't wait / leave romantics to their spite / leave the footballs to their pints / alternatives we'll find" delgados again

"PMA - that's what it's all about. But I guess THC does the job adequately too" Paddy D

"20 Regals please...and a fat cunt" Mad stoner at 24-hour-garage

"I've just realised I have 30 hours of exams. I don't know 30 hours of anything!" Hols

"The only way to get one person off your mind is to get another one on your body" Elizabeth Wurtzel

"Back in third grade, all I used to do / Was sniff glue through a tube and play Rubik's Cube" Eminem

"Dane told me I should try listening to some pirate radio stations. I said "Isn't that illegal? Can't I get arrested for that?"" The godlike genius of Victoria Beckham

"Who do you think taught you to fuck trees?" what the radio edit of Forgot about Dre implied

"I am sponge-like" Sting

"I smoke weed, and I masturbate. I don't do both at the same time" Sinead O'Connor

"Harry, you wanker" Consensus

"I said dear, dear, dear teacher / I've been six years away / I didn't finish my essay / Cuz rock'n'roll is OK" Gorky's

"It's just a ride" Bill Hicks

"my pain and sadness is more sad and painful than yours" Album Title by McLusky

"If I only i could sell myself / the way that even i would buy" Soulwax

"I will drug you, and fuck you on the permafrost" Magazine

"Words with special meanings. Number 1 � Death � Death means loss of life" The godlike genius of Lloyd's TSB Insurance policies

"I like Communism as an idea (my skateboard is called Trotsky)" Post on Munkyfest board

"In a culture that can absorb, without flinching, the fact that certain individuals can afford to order take-out for the world's poorest billion without losing their seats in the Billionaire's Club, punching a cop remains a genuine shock" James MacKinnon in Adbusters magazine

"I am a Catholic among anarchists, and an anarchist among Catholics. My life is a matter of maintaining contradictions and attempting reconciliations" Professor Albert Moritz

"Freedom is something you assume, then you wait for someone to try to take it away...the degree to which you resist is the degree to which you are free" Utah Phillips

"I have nothing against the flag, but about twice every year or so, when the debate about whether people should be arrested for burning the flag comes up...I soak my flag in lighter fuel and burn it in the garden" Mark Stevens

"Pensioners were not born yesterday" Liberal Democrat Social Services spokesman

"Not tested on animals" On a bottle of dog shampoo

"The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad" NiEtZsChE

"Do not argue with a fool, for passers-by cannot tell the difference" Someone's grandfather

"It's always funny until someone gets hurt. And then it's just hilarious" Faith No More

"So long as we keep our hatred, I don't think we'll ever go too far up our own arse" Ade Blackburn, Clinic

"Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!"" Janeane Garofalo

"For 15 years of my life I smoked, I drank, I used to do drugs... but during that time, I never once thought I was going to die. But the second I set foot on a stairmaster - the second - I am sure my heart is gonna explode and blood is gonna spray out of my nose" Marc Maron

"Ah yes, that stumbling, embarrassed boy with his views on... architecture" George Melly on 'Prince' Charles

"You fuckin'... you fuckin'... you knobhead" AP vs. the English language

"Promise me you'll always to be too awake to be famous, too wide to be safe" Stephen Malkmus

"1. Cliffs are real. 2. Cars are real. 3. Mirrors are evil" The Rules of Tripping

"Don't try. The moment you start to try, you become just like everyone else and then you're fucked" Charles Bukowski

"On every track i've fractured every back / thinking the point was step on every crack" Belly

"Woh. That guy smokes marijuana as if was a drug" Charly

"What's this country called? Heheheh... you... are... gay" Homer on Uruguay

"I had rather have a fool to make me merry / than experience to make me sad" Shak'speare

"Got a sky that looks like heaven / got an earth that feels like shit" eels

"I would hope in our next millennium that instead of hailing the heroes from World War II, we hail the heroes that say war isn�t necessary" Greg Graffin

"Well, that�s sex well and truly covered - now what better than some post-coital drugs?" Alex Bits

"How you feeling?" � "Like snapping necks till everybody�s dead" Giles

"Ex-magician, still knows the tricks / tricks are everything to me" Pavement

"Reader, one moment stop and think / that I am in eternity and you are on the brink" epitaph on tombstone in Perthshire, Scotland

"I don�t know who�s ahead - it�s either Oxford or Cambridge" John Snagge, boat race commentator, 1949

"I know! Drugs are bad cuz if you take them you're a hippy and they suck!" Cartman

"All the worst of enemies are somehow always friends that used to be" Boy Sets Fire

"Now that someone has stolen the sign, people are getting even more lost" Aberdeenshire tourist board, on the theft of the signpost from the village of Lost

"This show doesn't sound very Colchester" Lib Dem MP Bob Russell, on a production of The Vagina Monologues in the town

"STOP! This is the last rung" On the top of an aluminium folding ladder

(reason for living) getting lost