Things you wish you could say at work.

Ahhh... I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.

I don�t know what your problem is, but I�ll bet it�s hard to pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you�ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I�m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

I�ll try being nicer if you�ll try being smarter.

I�m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

I don�t work here. I�m a consultant.

It sounds like English, but I can�t understand a word you�re saying.

I can see your point, but I still think you�re full of shit.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don�t give a damn.

I�m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Thank you. We�re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn�t mean you�re an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

I�m not being rude. You�re just insignificant.

It�s a thankless job, but I�ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

Do I look like a people person?

This isn�t an office. It�s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

You! Off my planet!

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

I�m trying to imagine you with a personality.

Can I trade this job for what�s behind door 1?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. If wit was shit, you�d be constipated.

(reason for living) door #1